i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
