Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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