i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
