well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
