was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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