I have demons in me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
