Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
