He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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