Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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