kristin has been a bad kristin
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
