You're completely useless in the revolution.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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