Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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