My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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