i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
