Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
