is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
