I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
