Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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