I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
