I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
