You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Say something about gay babies.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
