: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
