yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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