worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
