Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
