Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
50% drunk capacity currently
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
