saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm at about main and main street
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
