His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
