Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
