Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
And then he peed in my hair
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