On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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