My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
