i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
