You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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