And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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