NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
be right there i have to get my cape
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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