so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
