i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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