It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
