You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
