I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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