Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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