I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
