Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
