So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your cock deserves a montage
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
