Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
