You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
