Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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