grandma shit on top of the toilet
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
