So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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