oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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