bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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