he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
