I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
